Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
is wine microwaveable?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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