Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
