Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
