There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
