on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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