It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
