Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
