There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
