My entire life is one complicated drinking game
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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