he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
