The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
