Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
