worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
