Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
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