Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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