I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Porn is love you can see.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
