we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
