I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
