And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
