I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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