Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
