My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
