My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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