and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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