Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
