what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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