I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
