I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
