And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
