I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
