I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
