SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Damn victory sex feels great
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
