First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We were destined to go to rehab together
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Sext me about skeletons
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
