i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
