I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
