She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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