Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
