You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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