you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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