I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
