Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
not ubering you a puppy
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
