Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
