i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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