my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
