I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Bring me that man meat
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
