Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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