Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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