so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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