I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
