Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
