You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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