Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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