i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize