its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
