Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
