i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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