The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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