I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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