It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize