I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize