i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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