If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
