Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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