Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
