I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
