I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
