even my farts smell like vagina
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
