Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
