that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
