you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize