We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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