Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
