Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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