You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
