Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
