Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
