after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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