the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize