Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
