I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize