i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
