u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
