you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
