um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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