3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
