you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
