i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
