More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize