Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
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