Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
