i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
