the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
