let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think I have vodka in my lungs
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
