i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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