I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
