Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
if i can run in heels then i can drive
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
